rabbitfishlife

The Strugglee

2008-08-24T21:39:00.000-07:00

School has already started at last but i am feeling the pressure to do well and excel. I find myself competing against some of the best learners or IT/business professional. However, i will not step back that easily... i will try till my last breath! That's the spirit right? i am a very persistent person.. i will never give up!

Though so, i found myself in an awkward situation sometimes as the learning environment differs greatly to my previous institution. There wasnt that much interaction and enthuasim to speak (but there were some that were enthuasitic to participate). I try to speak up and participate abit more over the days even though i may risk having some social issues (not everyone loves to be question) but i know it allows everyone to learn and understand. Hence... hack care lahz...

I have an upcoming presentation/facilitation (on the 3rd week of school which is around <2>

My life is just plain because of my lack of risks

2008-07-25T21:42:00.000-07:00

All the time, i let things get the best of me. Allowed incorrect things to kept going because of my soft heart, because i didn't want to hurt anybody. All the time, i believed in people to be able to change and situation to turn out after being bad but i was so wrong. A situation will be changed because the person in it never will change anyway.
I was foolish to believed in people that i thought could still be trusted after they lost my trust. I let them get the best of me and break me into pieces. I trusted people close to me to help me do a simple thing but they didn't. They always said the word "tomorrow" but that tomorrow never came.
I don't know whether everyone was like this but i really lost the trust on people.

2008-07-20T06:18:00.000-07:00

2008-07-19T09:03:00.001-07:00

Well... life isn't nice to me at all. When i felt like life was abit better, it played on me once again. I know i should have so much happiness bottled up in me at this point of time. Be happy be cheerful. No matter what i still have a perfect working body.
Why like everytime relationship problems drains away every single happiness i had so far and get me back into stage 1,
pathetic feeling rite now.

Using break as a threat...PLEASE

2008-07-13T08:15:00.000-07:00

I really had enough of this relationship. I'm just not happy being with this guy and i can't tolerate the way he thinks that everything that i say was trying to insult or make him feel bad.
In fact, i wasn't! i was just asking a question and stating where i said so...

Every message that i conveyed to him were mis-interpretated!

Please give me a break!
All i wanna do now is sleep and forget about this situation... it is just so upsetting... it's a death of a relationship that i thought would never end.

broke up wif my bf

2008-07-07T12:35:00.000-07:00

i had officially broken up wif my bf but though it is sad that the relationship didn't last, i felt that it was right and that it will bring happiness joy laughter every single aspect of a good thing will flourish!
i felt that we had been constantly quarreling and arguing that makes our life very very miserable. we were madly in love but it seems that the love is crushing our happiness... i do not feel that i shouldn't be happy as life goes on for the both of us... i was never losing him.. he is still alive..
i should believe and be happy that the solution will bring happiness to both of us... anyway this break will also come in time when he goes to the army... if we were meant to be... we will be together again..
I just felt that i didn't lost anything i didn't waste time being with him. i learnt many things with him. i learnt badminton, i was made new friends and most importantly i felt that the love was true for once in my relationship. i knew that somehow i was special to him, the only gal that he brought home. the first gal to kiss him. that's enough for me... love doesn't last but as long as it happened and made us happy in the past.. it is an experience that i will never regret or feel sad about... i never will forget him and somehow he has already found a place in my memory and heart. he is someone that i would never forget till the end of time and he will be replaced.
but that doesn't probably mean that my heart wont beat for anyone else.. i believed that everyone is meant to be with someone... so i will not close my heart..

2008-07-07T09:23:00.000-07:00

i have search high and low for the reason of the rabbit's death but i can't find the answer... haiz... did it really died of heart attack?
i hope i'm not the cause of it

still blaming myself for the rabbit's (harry) death

2008-07-07T09:04:00.000-07:00

Though everyone around me believed that the rabbit because of old age and a sudden heart attack. I still blamed myself for it's sudden death, i believed that i could have prevented the death of the rabbit. I felt that i didn't treat it as well as i hoped to and gave it all a better place to live in. I would have given it a better living area if i had that much money and i promised to buy a bigger cage if i got accepted in SMU... but... it is gone... it died before i could at least give it a better life... It was so lonely by itself and the whole day, the only time i had with the rabbit was during the time when i needed to feed and refill it's water. That was all...
I notice that it's nose was getting a little bigger but i didn't do much as my dad told me that it was okay... i asked a guy working at pet safari and he told me it was due to the steel bars that it was usually looking out through...
I felt really bad as it was the only pet that was alone in a cage and i couldn't do much to make it's life better.. i hope it will forgive me... i really do miss it... it has been 3 months since i laid eyes on it...i hope it went to a better place and be forever happy...

in loving memories of harry

2008-07-05T09:46:00.000-07:00

farewell my dear harry

2008-07-05T09:36:00.000-07:00

i was shocked that my rabbit died out of a sudden when i was out.. i thought it was a lie but when i seen it with my own eyes i was lost with words... my brain was blank
i didn't know what to do...
i didn't know how i could have brought it back into life...
i felt very bad that i couldn't be there when it died.. i felt bad that i couldn't give it a better life..
a better place to live in.. the rabbit was always in the small cage. it wasn't that i didn't want to let it out but i didn't want anything to happen to it because i had two dogs.
i felt bad that i didn't sent it to a vet when i suspect something was wrong though no one believed... i didn't sent it to a vet as i saw improvement but somehow it never seems to fully recover... i was planning to send it to the vet this monday.. i thought that giving it multi-vitamin would make it better.. but it seems like it only did for awhile
i didn't know that this will led to it's death..
i don't know how it died but i am sure missing it... my parents said it died of old age but i believed that i could have saved it if i had brought it to the hospital.. i cried and cried..
but no matter how much i did i couldn't do anything for harry...
i feel like i am a bad owner.. this rabbit has suffered too much.. it has been previously abandoned too...
i am really a bad owner..
i am not fit to be an owner
i am really sorry harry
i didn't mean to such a bad owner..
i will always miss u

a tough day

2008-07-03T11:36:00.000-07:00

yesterday was indeed a tough day.. i had to wake up early at 7 to prepare for my exam items and get ready to go down for breakfast. The QET exam was okay but i do not have confidence that i will fare well. I took a first ever pic of me in SMU.. look for yourself.. i know it may not be that nice as i was really rushing to the school of business LOL... i was worried that i would be late.. hehe

Later i went over to justin bday celebration to pass him the present that i bought him and ate his bday cake.. He was kind to send me and his friends home sia... really appreciated that

SMU QET exam

2008-07-02T07:49:00.000-07:00

tomorrow will be a busy day.. my bro would be leaving for Taiwan, Justin bday party and a QET test in the morning... but lucky it will be in the morning sia.. better to get it done with so that the rest of the day can be enjoyed haha...

though the result may not affect my overall gpa, i would nt need to take an additional module if i passed for this QET test... haha... so i just try my best ba... haha OH..Ya.. i forgot to mention that i would be taking the same degree course as my bro in the same school and the same term... so fun...

my target now is to get better grades than my bro... haha...but it will difficult and challenging.. but so wat... no harm trying :)

check out my new hairstyle.. curly hair...

2008-06-30T09:51:00.000-07:00

though i was abit disappointed by the results, i felt that somehow it was really funky and nice to play with.. i mean like there were many different hair styles that i can create with this new curly hair...
as time passes.. i kinda gt to like it and i think it brought the naughty side of me more now... and my hair sure looks nicer compared to my straight hair

2008-06-26T08:22:00.000-07:00

Today, i went out wif my best buddies to our usual hangout place after school during our secondary school life (which is city plaza) to enjoy the delicious noodles and our regular glass jelly dessert! it wasn't long before we had to separate from each other again but the trip there was sure worth it :)

~me n my gorgeous Grace

~me n beautiful qian

~group pics

signing off...
kailing

deciding on what to wear

2008-06-20T12:59:00.000-07:00

red n white stripe top wif 3/4 jeans

blue top wif 3/4 jeans

black top wif 3/4 jeans

yellow top wif 3/4 jeans

2008-06-20T03:13:00.000-07:00

Question:
Upon entering a laboratory, you see an experiment. How do you know which
class it belongs to?
Answer:
If it’s green and wiggles, it’s biology.
If it stinks, it’s chemistry.
If it doesn’t work, it’s physics.

great experiment
Ivan Ivanovich, the great Russian scientist decides to do an experiment to know how fast a thermometer falls down. He takes a thermometer and a light, a candle light, to the 3rd floor of a building and recognizes that they are reaching the ground at the same time. Ivan Ivanovich, the great Russian scientist writes in his book: “A thermometer falls with the speed of light.”

Anniversary
They had lived together in the backwoods for over fifty years. To celebrate their fiftieth anniversary, he took her to a large city and they checked into a plush hotel. She said to the bellman, “We refuse to settle for such a small room. No windows, no bed, and no air conditioning.” “But, madam!”, replied the bellman. “Don’t ‘But madam’ me,” she continued. “You can’t treat us like we’re a couple of fools just because we don’t travel much, and we’ve never been to the big city, and never spent the night at a hotel. I’m going to complain to the manager.” “Madam,” the bellman said, “this isn’t your room; this is the elevator!”

more exam jokes... but this time... the teacher returns the joke

2008-06-20T03:05:00.000-07:00

hahaha!

credits: joke

i gt into SMU!

2008-06-19T10:44:00.001-07:00

yeah! i gt into SMU! haha...! when i first saw the application status online i was shocked for a split second i couldn't tell whether i was dreaming or was i awake... but i read it again and i began jumping like a monkey in the late night LOL... Nobody including my parents actually believed me, they only believed when they seen it with their own eyes! my mind was screaming "OMG!! OMG!!"
practically... i was crazy in that very shocking nite... sry could only elaborate now... smiles
wish me all the best ya!

2008-06-17T11:29:00.001-07:00

exam jokes

2008-06-16T11:04:00.001-07:00

this is how to fail a true&false test... this guy checked all of them C, while A is true, B is false

other exam ans:

woman jokes

2008-06-16T11:02:00.000-07:00

http://voiceofteenagers.blogspot.com/2008/02/jokes-women.html

Dancing Walrus - Michael Jackson Style!

2008-06-16T10:34:00.000-07:00

2008-06-16T10:07:00.000-07:00

Hippo and Dog Lion sleeps tonight

Mr Bean- Bombastic

Jokes

2008-06-15T10:45:00.000-07:00

1.
An Antartian woman came into a bar and asked the bartender for a drink. Then she started to yell, "Yeah!" "Yeah!" Then five more Antartians came in and started to do the same thing. Then three more Antartians came in and one of them had a Barney puzzle. The bartender asked one of them, "Why are you yelling 'yeah yeah!'?" Then one responded, "We did this puzzle in three hours and it says 2-3 years."
2.
We've all been lost and depended on our wives to act as navigator.
Well, not long ago, Mrs. Jim Jr., her face buried in a map book, said "Turn here!" I did, and didn't notice the "No Left Turn" sign. Just my luck, a policeman was nearby and stopped me. I tried to explain that we were lost and I was following my wife's directions.
He issued me a ticket for "Driving Under the Influence of Wife."
3.
This guy pulls into a crowded parking lot and rolled down the car windows to make sure his dog had fresh air. The dog was stretched out in the back seat, and the guy wanted to impress upon he that he must remain there. The guy walked to the curb backward, pointing his finger at the car and saying emphatically, “Now you stay. Do you hear me? Stay!” The driver of a nearby car gave the guy a startled look “I don’t know about you, man,” he said incredulously. “But I usually just put my car in park.”
4.
One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn't get her foot high enough to reach to step.

Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn't reach the step.

So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn't reach the step.

So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, "How dare you touch my body that way, I don't even know you!"

Shocked, the man says, "Well, ma'am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends."

5.
The Lone Ranger and Tonto were camping out one night. Tonto, after having a very bad dream, woke up to see the stars up above him. He woke the Lone Ranger and said to him, "What you think?"

The Lone Ranger replies reassuringly, "Well, Tonto, it's like this, God gives us miracles in life. Each day is a new beginning, just like every night there's a new star in the sky. What do you think?"

Tonto looks at him, confused and says, "Tonto think someone stole tent."

mum's kidney test results doesn't look good

2008-06-13T07:26:00.000-07:00

My mum went to SGH today with my dad to collect the kidney test result and were disappointed that the treatment for her kidney condition did not improve. Her kidney have shrunk to a size of 7 and the doctor had advised her to seek treatment for it. Her diet would be restricted to low-potassium&sodium and low protein food. She was also not allowed to drink that much water anymore which makes her very miserable.
Actually tomorrow me and my family were going to celebrate father's day together and eat something special but it looks like we should do so as my mum wont be able to consume most of the foods shown in the menu... (*pray that my mum will be well)
I have done some research on her condition and i would help to take care of her health :)

series of pictures taken wif dear grace

2008-06-13T07:04:00.000-07:00

went out wif grace today and went to a glorious hotel and relaxed at the comfortable sofa... though the place is very not that well lit, it was certainly great for our tired legs after shopping at raffles place shopping place... LOL... i still rmb-ed how me and her actually drank finish both ice milk tea and a corn soup at Mos Burger! we made the wrong move of drinking the soup first before the ice milk tea which left us tremble like hell in the air conditioned restaurant..
i still have that problem of not pronouncing some words correctly which makes me and grace laugh like siao... Haha... Incredible HUNG instead of Incredible Hulk and minestrone as mile-stone... LOL...nvm lahz... as long as u all understand can le but i will try to pronounce it properly.. :D

Should i be goin abroad?

2008-06-12T10:26:00.000-07:00

i have been thinking whether i should go abroad with my friends soon as i really feel like exploring the world while i still have the time to play.. but i feel abit reluctant to go because of the recent earthquakes and the expected disasters that before the world and i feel like it would be safer to be in my homeland
so anyone has any opinion?

picture of him and me

2008-06-10T07:40:00.001-07:00

sorry this maybe lame but i really like to see his face even if i could imagine it :D

the missing feelings~

2008-06-10T07:34:00.001-07:00

somehow when u are away from a particular loved one, u kinda develop the feeling of missing him/her.. while in my case i do really miss jackson and though it maybe hard to be separated for so long, i try to be thankful tt i was able to miss someone... i felt that no matter wat i do or wat i may be experiencing, he is everywhere to me cos i could imagine him in my mind and feel happy or sad or heartbroken... because of him, i learnt the importance and impact of love and true love. one may nt be able to stay 24/7 or a lifetime wif u but as long as he/she appears in my life, he/she will always be remembered by me and i will always treasure them through thick and thin

confirmation

2008-06-10T07:26:00.000-07:00

i just got to know when will jackson be "retiring" LOL... he said that he will stop work around july so that he have time to hang out with me.. well.. i am kinda happy about the news cos we can't really meet up that much after he worked at SGH...
He also mentioned that he mind want to go tour but i felt that it wasn't a good time as the other countries aren't that safe and secure right. Btw did anyone of u seen the predictions of the coming disasters by Mr.Juseleeno? he predicted that there would be more upcoming disasters that might leave more pain and harm to the people in this world.. it may not be true to a certain extent but he had predicted quite a few correctly...
*pray that nothing happens..

picking up a new class

2008-06-09T09:00:00.000-07:00

Actually i suddenly am interested in trying this kind of indian style dancing most of the time i have been "computerised" to love street dancing and know i see how lady like indian dancing is... basically i taken this up due to my interest in dancing instead of hip hop dancing as i felt like it was too difficult and my gym doesn't have any of this dancing classes... i am glad that i had went for the classes as i really learnt some real sexy lady move and made a few more beautiful ladies along the way... maybe someday i will be able to learn hip hop dancing when truefitness comes around... (can someone pls gif me e updates?)

indiana jones movie

2008-05-28T08:14:00.003-07:00

shld i watch e movie? When i was small i wished so much to watch this movie in e theatre now i given e chance.. I think i would actually gif a go cos it,s my dream no matter how bad it could be i wished to watch it wif my own eyes :)

relationship luv could be simple

2008-05-28T08:14:00.001-07:00

i will believe tt there is still true luv and i will jus try to be easy on him maybe luv can be simple maybe when he loves me i shld be happy.. I shldn't ask 4anythin neither do i wan this relationship to hinder him fr his dreams. I jus hope tt he does luv me n tt he'll stand by me n nt cheat on me.. Jus hope he won't i trust him wif my heart n soul

maybe i was too hard on myself

2008-05-28T08:09:00.000-07:00

maybe life isn't tt hard i have decided to nv pls any1 i dun need them 2b happy 4me 2b happy i need 2care about myself.. I'm tired of pleasin ppl but e truth is e person i shld pls is myself 1st.. I must think tt i would still be gd even if some ppl hate me

moved by the movie P.S I Love You

2008-05-26T08:39:00.000-07:00

the story really shows how painful and heartbroken the lady was after her husband's downfall.. couldnt imagine being in her shoes cos i had nv really lost anyone tt close.. hopefully tt doesnt happen to me..
i felt like after losing sth do one actually knows how impt it was and how much tt sth really meant in their lives. maybe when u are in a relationship u may require more tender love n care cos u assume tt it is a must but sometimes maybe we shld take things easy and nv take advantage of their existence.

family + bf = fatal attack

2008-05-24T10:42:00.000-07:00

house alr nt in peace le now still have a bf to make my life even more miserable. mum get angry cos she feels the house is not clean! yesterday i clean my room she say to me tt im useless nvm.. tdy threaten to throw my rabbit out of the house! bad bad day

feel like leavin the house go find somewhere to hang out at nite but thinking tt i have nowhere nicer to be in makes me damn miserable

bf same problem... actually i tot he finally knows my pain but he doesnt even know what is happening.. trying to strong independent but every single time he just does sth to make me feel defeated by his peers... maybe he nv will be mine for the long run. yesterday i talked to him about the future like maybe if he marry me can do this or that... he nt interested in any of them. he jus tried to ignore me as much as possible make me think like i am thinking too much.. i didnt even dare to ask like whether he would marry me in the future or wat cos i fear of knowing the ans

tdy i noe i wake up late at 8 sth... he alr working so i cant ask him whether he can meet me so he exploits on this weakness to argue wif me... it's nt like i wanted to gve u a last min notice... i didnt wake up in time to tell i wanted to meet him. so in the end we nv gt to meet cos i didnt noe wat time he ended his work and ended msging him only after he had alr reached home.

he said tt he took this whole week off to pei me but somehow i think tt he did it for other reason. i doubted him cos he nv ever hold on to his words and he blames me for nt trusting me but i really cant trust him now. so many years of lying has made me unable to trust him... i told him tt wat he did now is nt enuff to make me feel like trusting u but he nv took tt in.. he couldnt understand tt

he msged me countless times to tell me tt he has a gastric pain bcos of me and tt he has no mood to do this and that to make me feel guilty... i know he is trying to make me feel guilty trying to make me say sry.. but i alr been accustomed to it le... i dun feel like i shld always give in to him... he nv did understood whyi was unhappy why i cried and etc...

i feel like he doesnt love me... rather i feel like he needs me more than he loves me

in my heart i feel defeated by his peers as he went out wif them instead of me.... i noe i shldnt feel like this but the truth is tt i feel like he doesnt really want to hang out wif me. he rather hang out wif his gd buddies to watch a accuracy of death than be wif me. i asked him to invite them to watch indiana jones he didnt ask...the guy (tt said to me that he was tired so he didnt want to meet me) went out wif his frenz to watch a movie.

how happy can i get from all this

why must he always make me feel like he is btr wif his frenz than be wif me

am i really tt jealous of them making him happy

or rather am i angry cos he rather spend time wif them

somehow i feel like i am nv jealous but i am unhappy wif how my bf treats me

fallen out of love again and again and again

2008-05-18T13:34:00.000-07:00

i starting to think like maybe love didnt really exist. when i feel like he could actually love me he broke my heart back into pieces... maybe it is god's way of making fun of me but all it does is tear me apart again...
i long for a guy to make me feel whole but all the guys in my life just crush me to pieces everytime. maybe what i need is just friends... love will nv come to me... i dun wan to believe in love ... i dun think i can take the heartbreak professionally...
Maybe my life is meant to be lonely .... haha...! i nv will be embraced by any guy...

:)

2008-05-18T11:34:00.000-07:00

maybe update this blog another day ba.. kinda tired le... can check out my win.live space for more posts: http://kailing88.spaces.live.com/
signing out

adding a post

2008-05-18T11:32:00.000-07:00

i am adding a post right now cos my friends said that i havent been updating my blog! anyway life is still the way it is but i kinda feel btr... been able to meet wif my old secondary sch frenz but not joan yet (hopefully in the future though)... *yawns